Change takes time, and I know that. But for some reason I keep feeling unsure about being here.
I mean, I am happy to be here, I am. I feel very lucky to have been selected for the program and know that this really is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I have wanted to come to Nepal for many, many years.
But this place is so chaotic and it’s nothing new, really. I’ve seen it before, but I’ve been okay with it. But, for some reason, I’m finding the stress and chaos of this city quite stressful and have been noticing myself becoming anxious lately when I should be on top of the world (almost literally, with Everest nearby!).
I just don’t know what’s wrong. Is it just the adjustment? Is it because I miss Zak so damn much and keep wondering how on earth we’re going to survive this time apart? I’ve been doing everything I can to keep my mind occupied so that I won’t cry but today after coming back from shopping, we had dinner plans with another volunteer I have yet to meet but I fell asleep, when Tara woke me to go for dinner I said to go without me. Maybe I’m just lonely but I am feeling so, so low.
The organization with which I will be working seems really cool. And I’m afraid I’ll buy way too much as there is a shop next to the office selling the Fair Trade goods. But, that doesn’t start for two weeks and it is the developing world, things will be slower. Period. That’s okay, though.
So I am definitely excited to be here, I’m just feeling so uneasy. I don’t know why.